Are you feeling stuck? Stuck is a feeling and not a fact. This is the premise for a change. A way out starts with the realisation that that you have a problem, rather than you being the problem. How can you get into a solution seeking frame of mind? In this post we explore what you can make you feel stuck, and how to move forward. If you’re feeling stuck it comes from somewhere. By ignoring it you will most probably get in deeper, turn sleeplessly in bed and your issue might overcome you. By reframing and acting you get empowered to refocus. You can shift into action and either stop, or prevent, what is bothering you. Read on to see why feeling stuck will change into solution steps. Do you want to be the driver of your life?
Feeling Stuck: Why Do We Feel Stuck?
Some of us freeze and can’t move beyond an issue that bothers us. Others run around frenetically, and lash out at everything and anything. Whether you are immobile, or spin around in circles, you are blocked and can’t think clearly or plan. You are no longer the spider in the web — you are caught in it. Basically – you’re feeling stuck.
It is the way we react to circumstances that determines our feelings. – Dale Carnegie
The reason for this state of mind can come from long standing issues, or a sudden ‘kick-you-off-center’ circumstance. It can be childhood issues, career situations, relationship conflicts, health problems, the fallout of traumatic incidents, administrative hurdles etc. The impact on you is the perception of utter powerlessness, and your soul is suffering.
Feeling Stuck: What You Feel and Not What You Are
Last week I felt frozen. I couldn’t think, sleep or move. It felt as if I had a permanent cloud hanging over my head. The more I thought about it, the worse it got. My whole being was infected by a perceived threat, and fear. This held me hostage until a wise woman told me to stop and act. She told me to move outside of my own feelings, and start looking at it from a logical angle.
It took an enormous effort to move from emotion to cool and collected action thinking. Am I glad I did though? Yes! I no longer feel stuck. The issue is still there but, I am on my way to a solution. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it!
You Are Not The Problem
The fact is that you have a problem. The feeling is that you are the problem. By reframing the concern into a list of issues, you start to see solution possibilities. The very small action of doing a list shifts the focus from you to ‘it’. The very act of describing the ‘it’ makes it tangible, and therefore empowers you to do something about ‘it’.
With this simple act you gain a sort of freedom. You move outside of the yourself to look at the issue from a new dimension.
Yet, with freedom comes responsibility. You are responsible for your decisions and choices. Should you or should you not? This is the question.
Feeling Stuck: The Decision Dilemma
You usually get stuck after making a series of bad decisions. These can be major ones like getting into business with the wrong person, making a bad investment, ignoring legal / fiscal change etc. It can also be several small bad decisions like not taking care of your body daily, drinking too much alcohol, not following a calling, ignoring your feelings etc.
The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problem. – Gandhi
It is human to sit back and wait. The challenge is that contrary to the fairytales not all good comes to those that wait. The price you pay for waiting can be a serious disease, bankruptcy, relationship break-up, burn out or a psychological collapse due to work pressure.
By waking up from the freeze, stepping outside of yourself, and making a list you have the beginnings of an action plan. What to do next becomes visible when you break down your items into a ‘to-do’ list.
The solutions minded approach means that you can seek information and help. You prompt yourself to reach out, enable clearer thinking, and find options which you may not have thought of.
The point is to refocus. Step by step you steer away from the big messy, muddy problem. You get options which create choices. In turn this leads you to explore, evaluate and consider what is best for your individual wishes, wants and needs.
Feeling Stuck: Wishes, Wants and Needs
The drive to do something different, or change, often comes from wishes, wants or needs.
To find balance we need our body, brain, nervous system, spiritual dimension, family labyrinth and career to function in measured parts.
A whole ecosystem of individual wishes, wants and needs swirl on the individual level. The external factors such as jobs, legal and fiscal requirements demand their place too. Whoever said this was easy? Not me.
You know within you what you must deal with to unclog the drain of feeling stuck. Logically you can also see that you need to get ahead of the game. While you’re still thinking (or over-thinking) about the action know this: You are not a victim, and you have choices.
The choices are:
- To Do: If your issues are of a bureaucratic nature, or related to work pressures, illness or lifestyle you have tangible, very real steps you can take. By acting preventatively, or by adopting a solutions minded approach you positively take steps towards untangling the ‘it’.
- Not To Do: Trauma will surface and legal entanglements follow is you don’t take action. The stop watch is ticking. The high cost of doing nothing will not only increase the issue at hand, but you will also feel more stuck.
Feeling stuck: The Choice is Yours
When you shift from being the victim in a situation, you take responsibility for your next steps and actions. This can be painful, as it may lead to a change.
Change is welcome if you change is what you wanted in the first place. It is not as welcome if ‘change’ is a consequence of an unforeseen, or unplanned surprise.
When you have felt stuck for a long time you know within you that something has to give. A short-lived freeze will immobilise you enough to force you into action. Whether long or short the operative words are: Do. Action. Tick-Tock.
You can hear the stop watch ticking. This triggers you to act. The first step is to get see things as they are – not based on what you perceive. Facts versus feelings. It doesn’t have to be a big leap. One small step only.
Feeling Stuck: Blame, Excuses and “The Others’
To really use your key you need however to face your excuses, stop blaming and not give “The Others” power over you.
- Blame: You are responsible for your choices. As such you can proactively decide to do things differently. It is not the the government, church, parents, family heritage or boss that design your life choices. You can’t blame them. You are responsible for your choices.
- Excuses: An excuse is standing somewhere between you and the next step you need to take. Here is a fact: If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse. The actual excuse is perhaps the answer. Perhaps you don’t need to change, or go the other way? By confronting the excuses you find truths. By acting you make use of your capabilities. Find the list of things you need to do – and reframe the excuses. Focus of the reasons for why you will act. Excuses will disappear with every question mark you straighten.
- “The Others” are those that tend to drag you down, create doubts, set up hindrances and create havoc with your normally calm self. In some instances ‘the others’ are mere ghosts that become obstacles in our own minds. “The Others” are also real people that gossip, are jealous of your accomplishments, or feel threatened because of what you represent. Whether they are real or made up the way to deal with the come packaged in the same way.
Finding wellness is a matter of becoming aware that one or more dimensions in your life are not in sync. Perhaps you feel stuck because of early experiences, a difficult job, obligations and ‘must-dos’. These create stress, which can be tackled once you step out of the emotion and move towards a solutions minded approach.
Feeling Stuck: Finding Solutions
By detaching yourself from the ‘it’ you enable yourself to think in a new way. It is absolutely essential to realise that decisions are based on informed choices. This often means input from other sources. To find solutions you can continue to fumble in the dark, which can lead to continued tunnel vision. Or you can seek professional assistance.
Feeling Stuck: Get Help
Going at ‘it’ alone isn’t necessarily the best course of action. It can actually lead us to get more stuck. If you have the possibility, know where to look and consider the options getting professional support and assistance can make a huge difference in your ability to truly get rid of the ‘it’.
If you have a legal or fiscal issue – consult a lawyer. If the source of your feelings come from unresolved childhood issues – talk to a counsellor. If your career is not on track – seek advice from a career coach. If you need a healthy lifestyle change – consider a trained nutritionist, fitness trainer or mindfulness coach. All these professionals will give you objective advice, real facts and lists of things you can / must do to resolve your issue.
With more information you create options. Options give you choices. Choices become evaluated. To truly get unstuck you will apply a new way of thinking about an ‘old’ problem.
Feeling Stuck: The Solutions Minded Approach
The feeling stuck problem is in a sense mind of matter (and emotion!).
- Rephrase and refocus so a problem becomes a challenge.
- Learn to rethink each situation, and instead of acting automatically, look at options.
- Weigh the options and evaluate each one.
- Make active decisions towards a goal based on informed choices.
When a Pilot makes decisions, the matrix below is how they weigh each situation:
Consider that the cost of doing nothing can be high – very high. Tip: Read: Wellness Your Way – How To Find Your Flow
By taking action you gain freedom and you place yourself in the drivers seat. You are responsible.
No need to blame anyone anymore, find excuses nor give the power to “the others’. You’re empowered to move on, change direction, or go towards new horizons. The options are yours, and stuck is no longer the feeling – nor is is a fact. May the force be with you – always!
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Recommended and Related:
- Design the perfect life you want – agileleanlife.com
- How To Deal with Feeling Stuck – tiny buddha.com
- Work Life Balance – lifebalance
- 10 Things To Remember When You’re Feeling Stuck – marcandangel.com
- Something Has To Change (when you’re feeling stuck) – Huffingtonpost.com
- How To Get Out of Stuck – solutionsforchange.com
- Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom
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