A self pity party will give you a boost to move on — if done properly. Feel really selfishly sorry for yourself. Indulge in un-healthy sobbing over wine and cheese. Cry in the only company of a tear jerking mini-series while eating bags of crisps. Miserably stay in bed and sigh over how misunderstood you are. A self pity party is the perfect recipe for self-indulgence. When life throws you trivial lemons, you can maximise feeling super sorry for yourself. But, set a limit to this self pity party. 24 hours! Then – it is time to move on.
Get rid of the sad by really wallowing over it, after which you are ready to rationalise your thoughts into an action plan. Read on about the best ways to really enjoy a self pity party – but more importantly find out why getting on with it is a more worthwhile goal. Go on! Search for your unhappiness, and get ready to party. A self pity party of note! The result will be an action plan, a goal and a real way to move on.
Self Pity Party: Why?
When something happens in our lives that makes us feel bad, we can choose to wallow in it, or move on. The rational person will turn the page, and let logic take over. From a trivial situation you find ways out. You fix it, turn it, re-do it or get a new recipe for success.
To move on takes courage, thought and consideration. You don’t want to repeat a mistake, or fall into the same trap again. You need to find an alternative route.
To move on you need some time to reflect, and actually allow yourself to cry over the milk that was split. The best way to do that is to throw yourself a highly charged, super effective self pity party. Really get going with diving into your feelings of being let down, left alone, turned down at work or at home – and generally tackle the non-life threatening issue that is bringing dark clouds to your blue skies.
Self Pity Party: When?
A self pity party is an indulgence and therefore the reason for said party must be something that is utterly non-threatening. In other words, if the ‘lemon’ that life throws you is in the character of:
- An expected event that did not take place ( promotion, pay-rise, celebration or relocation )
- A broken perceived promise ( date, friendship, gift, or broken technical wonder etc.)
- A missed opportunity ( job, delay, slip in schedule etc)
- A seasonal flurry ( bad weather, snow storm, electricity cut)
Self Pity Party: When Not?
The self pity party is best held when the reason behind it is (when you really think about it…) of a non-serious nature. You are not threatened by an illness, real depression, loss of a loved one, or a natural disaster.
You have money in the bank, can afford food, and have family and friends. Indeed if you encounter a real jolt to the system, you need to seek professional help. You can read more about how to distinguish what is what in this post: Mood Swings: Are You A Mood Monster?
Self Pity Party: How?
When you have been handed lemons, your best cure to move on is to throw yourself a real self pity party. The necessary elements of success to such a party should include:
- Ample handkerchiefs for hours of sobbing
- Plenty of food and drink that fall into the really unhealthy category – crisps, grease infused processed junk food, alcohol, and candy are all good choices.
- DVDs, or music/TV show downloads to allow for real misery driven tear-jerking (Ingmar Bergman is a sure hit here — check out the link).
- Dress code for the occasion is best chosen from the sloppiest, most pyjama like coveralls to ensure a totally downward falling look.
- Company can only include you, and possibly a Teddy bear or Pet. This is a time you must accept that no one understands you hence, why aloneness is crucial.
The self pity party progress shall take place of the space of a 24 hour maximum, hence why the schedule of events must be carefully thought through so you can include endless crying, maximise absorption of foods and alcohol and wallow in your own misery in general. The overall effect should be one of selfish excess – total devotion to your one goal: Feeling sorry for yourself!
Self Pity Party: Party Over
After 24 hours of total self-absorption you need to set an alarm clock. A wake up call to start asking yourself some hard questions:
- Was s/he worth it? Does s/he still a space in my life?
- Is there other opportunities?
- Is there an alternative?
- Did I build a castle in the skies?
- Can I change?
These questions will help you decide that enough is enough. You can clear up the remnants of your party.
While clearing the junk food wrappings, bottle corpses, crumbled hankies, and dirty clothes you will come to decision: I will shower the old off, and move on.
Have yourself a restorative session to give yourself a general scrub. Body and soul will feel refreshed from your dive into self pity – and allow you to move on. You will be able to take a decision. You find your way to go on, and set a stop. Grumbling, grumping and continued fall into self sadness will not generate any movement forward.
Self Pity Party: Moving On
When the party is over it is time to draw up the curtains to your new resolve. Get inspired by what you do have, and move on with your life. The clues to what makes you ready to tackle your new day are already within you.
You can change, make a difference, chose healthier options, and decide that you are worth better.
You can come to the conclusion that it is the loss of the person that let you down, and thus realise that this person no longer has a space in your new life. You can ask you boss for an explanation for why the pay rise or promotion did not materialise, and see that a quota or flaw in a system is hardly your fault. You can decide to look for alternatives, options and new avenues.
Self Pity Party: Closure
The whole idea behind a self pity party is to allow yourself a limited time to grieve over something that at the end of the day is trivial. You find a closure, mental make-over and push pause.
You find a time to indulge in wallowing, and will find yourself laughing at your sorry state when you wake up and smell the coffee. No amount of junk, wine and tears will actually fix the issue.
You will however find a way to stop hurting yourself by simply realising that you are an added value to many around you.
You live, you learn, you make mistakes, you grow and you move on. There is a solution and you are worth it. Moving on is choice. A decision you can – and will – take.
Get inspired to change, move on, find meaning by reading The GOODista. Small changes to food, fitness, and mindset can make you Feel, Be and Do Good!
Recommended and Related:
- The Trap of Self Pity – goodlifecoaching.com
- Wellness and Career Coaching – thegoodista.com
- How To: Throw Yourself a Pity Party – Wit & Delight
- 15 Things That Stop You From Moving On – Lifehack.org
- Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: 5 Ways to Move On – World of Psychology
Amazon.co.uk Recommended Books (click to read about them):
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In fact no matter if someone doesn’t understand afterward its up to other people that they will assist, so here it takes place.
Dwain, Thanks for your comment. Indeed, a Self-Pity Party isn’t for others to enjoy. It is your treat and ‘gift’ to yourself, and help you to move on with ‘life’. Once it’s over you can talk about it, and most of the time people around us do understand and help us. Thanks for reading The GOODista, and if you like motivation and inspiration you are welcome to subscribe! Ciao 🙂
Wow, lovely, quite a push for the better! Truly a boost! Thank you!